


Schooled

by darkavengerz (darkavenger)



Category: Marvel
Genre: Gen, Kid Fic, Middle School, Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-09-02
Packaged: 2018-02-15 22:55:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2246400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkavenger/pseuds/darkavengerz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Science lesson with Wade and Peter. Originally posted on tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Schooled

Peter was a precocious kid, in the sense that he started reading before he started school, and by first grade he had memorized the Latin names for over twenty different species of spiders. For reasons unknown to his horrified aunt, Peter was interested in spiders the way other little boys were interested in dinosaurs. Unfortunately for her, spiders, unlike dinosaurs, could be found in the back-garden and kept in a little boy’s bedroom with relative ease. So Peter was precocious in  _that_  sense. Wade was precocious too, but in the sense that he knew every swear word before he could spell his own name, and that by first grade he had been already getting called to the principals office and cutting class.

Which was why Peter couldn’t believe Wade was asking him this.

“Seriously, Petey,” Wade said, ugly face screwed up in honest confusion. “What the fuck’s the difference, other than a few letters?”

“Don’t swear,” Peter said, kicking Wade under their shared science table.

“Don’t kick me,” Wade grouched, kicking Peter back in the shin, eyes narrowed.

“Why, what are you gonna do? Tell on me,” Peter smirked, kicking back harder. Wade had no honour; he’d tattle on anyone if it meant he got out of trouble or got someone he didn’t like into trouble, but teachers weren’t going to talk the word of ‘a juvenile delinquent in the making’ over Peter, future honour student in the making. Normally, Peter would feel bad using his status as teacher’s pet to get another student in trouble, but this was Wade.  _He_  certainly didn’t play fair, and Peter couldn’t afford not to use some dirty tricks, if only to stop Wade from completely ruining his academic career.

Wade huffed out a huge sigh, but stopped kicking Peter. “Why won’t you tell me, huh?” he whined, “I thought you said learning was important and the only way to learn was by asking questions?”

Peter shifted in his seat uncomfortably and pretended to get on with his worksheet. He _had_ said that. Wade had an annoyingly retentive memory that only seemed to work when he wanted to throw your words back in your face; the rest of the time, he was hopeless, or at least pretended to be.

“C’mon, Petey, elucidate me, you know you like showing off what a smart-ass you are,” Wade said, leaning over the table to grab Peter’s worksheet and pull it sharply away from him, careless of the streak of ink left on the white page as Peter’s pen caught on the paper.

Peter ground his teeth. His dentist had told him it was a bad habit he needed to break, that it wasn’t healthy for his teeth. Peter wanted to tell him that it’s a lot healthier than punching Wade in the face every time he does something annoying that makes Peter wonder why they’re friends, but Aunt May had been in the room, and he didn’t need to give her any more ammunition when they argued about his choice in friends.“You know the word elucidate?”

“I ain’t illiterate,” Wade said scornfully.

Peter sighed. “Then why don’t you just look it up in the dictionary?”

“Why bother when my best buddy is a walkin’ talkin’ one?” Wade said, reasonably enough. “C’mon. What’s the difference between an organism and an orgasm?”

Peter’s cheeks burned red. He darted a quick glance around the classroom, wondering if anyone overheard. If the  _teacher_  had overheard. Thankfully, the rest of the class was busy chatting too, and the quiet buzz of conversation seems to have drowned out Wade’s question from reaching the ears of the bored substitute sat at the desk at the front of the class. “Keep your voice down, all right?”

“Why?” Wade asks, sounding baffled.

“Okay, look, an organism is an individual form of life, one that consists of at least one cell and can carry out the functions necessary for life. These include reacting to stimuli, reproduction -” Peter began to rattle off.

“All right, all right, I get it,” Wade interrupted, looking bored. “Now what’s an orgasm?”

Peter shut his eyes. He’s going to have to explain. The pedantic nerd part of him can’t let Wade go through the rest of his life ignorant of the difference between an organism and an orgasm, it just can’t. Licking his lips nervously, he began to speak in a whisper, barely loud enough for Wade to make out, and Wade’s stretched out across the table so far he’s practically lying flat on it. “An orgasm is the climax -” a giggle burst out of his lips, and he clamped a hand over his mouth, trying to get his laughter under control.  _There’s nothing funny about this situation,_  he told himself sternly.  _This is purely educational, there is nothing amusing about this at all_.  _Aw, c’mon_ , a small part of his brain whispered,  _it_ is _kinda funny_. Still, he forced himself to continue, blurting out the rest of the definition quickly before he officially lost it. “- the climax of sexual excitement, generally characterised by intense pleasure and/or ejaculation.”

He finished, and realised that Wade was silently shaking, body quivering on the table. He couldn’t see Wade’s face, buried as it was in his arms, and a vague combination of suspicion and concern came over Peter. “Wade? Are you okay?”

His suspicions were confirmed when Wade lifted his face away from the table, revealing tears streaming down his face as he snorted in helpless laughter. “…. you said ejaculation!”

“That’s the scientific term,” Peter snapped, eyes narrowed as he glares at Wade.

“H-ohhh, boy,” Wade said, wiping his eyes clear. “That really cleared that up for me, thanks Petey, you’re a real pal!”

“Glad I could help,” Peter said stiffly.

Wade sniggered under his breath. “…sexual excitement. Could you, like, get any more clinical, Petey?”

Peter stuck his tongue out. “You understood what I was talking about, didn’t you?”

“Sure did,” Wade said brightly. “Thanks for the sex talk, Petey. Hey, I got a bunch more questions actually… like is it normal to feel these, these urges?”

Peter sat frozen, eyes wide.

“Like, they’re really intense. Sometimes I just look at people and I want to… I want to stab them, y’know?” Wade continued earnestly.

Peter relaxed into his seat. “Oh thank God. Your’re joking.”  _I think._

Wade was laughing obnoxiously loudly, loud enough that a few people at other tables were looking over. Peter heard Flash sat over at his table mutter “ _Freaks._ ”

Peter waited until everyone had turned back to their work, then mumbled under his breath, “You already knew the difference didn’t you?”

“Yup,” Wade admitted nonchalantly, sliding Peter’s paper back across the table. “No shit, Petey. Did you forget I’ve got unrestricted internet access at home?”

Peter took his test, and resisted the urge to screw it up and chuck it at Wade’s head. “Then why’d you ask?”

“Because I thought it’d be funny,” Wade said with a shrug and a smirk. “And I was _right_.”

“Huh,” snorted the substitute, coming up behind Wade and swiping his test paper, “I may not be a real teacher, but trust me kid, none of these answers look right.”

 


End file.
